Sometimes Your Gut Knows Best

So I guess I can't go the whole blog without talking about the actual wedding. I had proposed to him years before Marriage Equality was enacted, and it was a year after the supreme court made that ruling we got married.

His engagement ring was Tungsten, black with a khaki lining on it. Cheesy as it was, it was engraved with "Kickstart this Weasel's Heart." a Motley Crue reference if you didn't know. No matter who I marry, or who I propose to, I always want something engraved on it, a small inside note that only the couple knows. I dunno, it's cheesy but I like that sentiment.

Since Hipnos didn't have any money, I ended up buying my own ring. He chose it as he said he needed to, but I helped nudge him I guess by getting really psyched for this steam punk lookin' ass ring. It's broken now, the wires that made it pretty much snapped apart. Hipnos took it with him when he left. Said it would be a "reminder" of what we lost. Which means I kept his. It's in a box somewhere.

So the actual wedding day. Well first we had to file with the courts. Wait like 3 weeks and then go the court and get it finalized. We didn't have a ceremony. No guests. Nobody showed.

My mom wouldn't show as she is a "woman of god" and she could not stand that I was getting married.

And since Hipnos wanted the certificate ASAP he didn't give me a lot of time to invite people. So it was empty.

We were still happy I like to think. Me. Him. The Judge. It only took ten minutes to get the "ceremony" part out of teh way.

When we finished, i took him to dinner. This place called Big Humpherey's. I local place in Pearland, TX. Italian food, really good stuff.

Hipnos ordered a burger as was usual with any restaurant we went to (Burger, chicken nuggets, etc.).

We ate, he was happy but it was a quiet dinner. I worked that morning and was fairly tired. It didn't feel like a special day for me. It was supposed to be, but everything we did for it made it feel less and less.

I tried to focus on my love for him, and even that was difficult.

I remember not wanting to go through with it, but he was so adamant about it that I just put one foot in front of the other.

It made things a tad easier since he got on my health insurance plan a year after.

But still, if I had to go through a wedding with him again, I don't think I'd do it. When something is supposed to feel just right, and your gut feels nothing, that's the first sign to stop.

We posted on facebook about it, got a few congratulations. We didn't have sex, Hipnos was again not in the mood for it. So I worked. Until it was time to sleep.