Life moves at you fast. I know, everybody fuckin' says it. But it does.
After my adventures with J, I flew back to Texas. The warm weather of Houston was calling me back, and it's hard to deny a home you've known for all of your life. Texas is all I've ever known, but a taste of another state wasn't half bad.
I had been talking with this other guy at the time. We hadn't approached the topic of anything romantic before. We were friends, though I remember him doing a lot of talking when we first met online. He talked a lot about Final Fantasy, something I still don't know. I mean literally, you could ask me what the games were about and I would probably say "fuck if I know." I'm not much of a gamer, and anything JRPG related was way over my head.
But fuck christ did he lecture. He kept saying I would enjoy it if I only tried it. Spoiler: I never did. I was the person he went to when he was figuring pieces of himself out. When he came out as gay to his family, I was the one who talked him through it. I mean, I wasn't an expert, still ain't an expert. I was still coming to terms with my sexuality at the time. I couldn't even tell you what I wanted or needed out of a relationship. Nevertheless, I talked to him as he sorted his shit out. His family didn't have any issues when he came out, and I remember him being relieved.
It was maybe a couple months after my trip with J he started to flirt with me. He was going to college at some private college at the time. He was nice, quiet/shy, somewhat playful, and fun to irritate. See, when I get into a relationship with someone, I will irritate the fuck out of them. For the purposes of this blog, I'll call him Hipnos.
If you're unfamiliar, that's the god of sleep. I can't think of a better way to describe him in our relationship. I mean there's a lot of things I could call him, but Hipnos is the better term, and I think you'll understand why as the story progresses.
Hipnos and I officially got together a couple months after my time with J. To this day he will call himself a "rebound." It's a term I will forever hate. I don't care how long it takes for anyone to move into another relationship. Whether it's a day or a year, you work on your time. The term rebound is a societal stigma, saying "you're only with me cause you couldn't be with the one you actually wanted. I'm the second best."
Beau Taplin wrote it best. I'll paraphrase as I'm not too keen on putting the whole poem here (everything I do is connected to poetry, you'll learn that as well). He said, you'll find someone, now, later, doesn't matter. You'll find someone who will "start a fire that cannot die." The problem is, they may not be the one you spend your life with. And that is a crushing truth. J did start a fire, even though we didn't click much, there was a domino effect of expectations that I placed on him. And it took time for that to heal.
Still, I don't consider Hipnos a rebound.
I met him in person, for the first time in the fall of the same year. Had to be around 2010, maybe 2011. I remember taking a cab from the Mobile, AL airport to his school. Picking him up. He wanted to go back to my hotel. I couldn't stay in his dorm with him, so I booked a La Quinta. We kissed. We cuddled. It was a lot of firsts. I hadn't really been with a guy before; definitely hadn't had sex with a guy before. There was a couple of on again off again things but they were sporadic and lasted for a month or so. Such is the dating scene, right? This was all before Tinder, so take that as you will.
We had sex. It was a first for either of us. I remember it not being as magical. Not disappointing, but not this amazing wave of euphoria either. It was also one of the few times Hipnos let me top him. I mean, he blew me for most of our relationship, but anal was not something he was wanting in a sexual relationship. At least that's what I perceived.
For the duration of that trip, I bottomed. When he fucked me, I remember it not being pleasurable. He had some issues in finding my hole. He also farted a few times during sex, which was rather hilarious. Maybe embarrassing, but let's be honest. Sex isn't always hot in the moment. Sometimes you fart.
For the most part, I chucked my discomfort with bottoming with inexperience. It was definitely not like any of the toys I used. Before meeting Hipnos in person, I reviewed sex toys, various vibrators, dildos, lube, etc. There's a lot of amazing toys. At the time, I only had my toy experience to compare.
Our first date was at a Ruby Tuesday. Again, 21, you don't really know what good food is when you're 21.
We ate at Dennys a lot out of convenience, and his school.
I remember enjoying my time, but when it came down to feeling euphoric, I don't think I reached that feeling. I chucked all this up to just nervousness on both parts.
When it was time for me to head home, I dropped him off at his dorm. Helped him bring his things to his room as he stayed at my hotel room for the week.
I waited outside of the dorm for my cab. Hipnos didn't wait with me, plugging into his computer as I left his room. And I was off shortly after.
I think about that moment of the trip often. That immediate distance when it was over. Me alone on the sidewalk in the mild Alabama heat. Though at the time, I didn't think much on it. It says a lot to me now.
No comments:
Post a Comment