The Shift

I had been with Hipnos for seven years when the story started to shift. Not every day with him was chaos. Most of our days were spent disconnected yet in the same room. Video games were a constant noise in our relationship. My routine was monotonous:

Wake up as Hipnos went to sleep. He normally went to bed around 4ish AM. And I had work, so we were passing each other a lot.
Work.
Go to the store.
Home by 7pm
Immediately in the kitchen to cook dinner.

This was my every day. All my energy sucked into taking care of, well an adult child.

July 2018 our relationship changed. We had gotten together with Es, my current partner.

Hipnos and I were always poly, but we had a Veto in place we ever wanted to use it (and Hipnos did use it. a few times.)

So we formed a trio. I couldn't tell you how excited I was to be with Es. I mean, prior to that point, I had always had a crush on him. I can't tell you how long, but it was fairly long.

Es and I had gotten close prior to any of this happening. We were/are friends. We flirted a few times, and we actually called each other. he published my second novella, and being in the same business that is publishing, we came to know each other fairly quick.

I remember thinking his voice was cute when I first heard it. The first time Es and I actually called was to talk about some weird publishing business. I think there was a fandom editor being an ass, but that's fairly typical.

I remember thinking he was cute when I saw his pictures too.

We formed a strong friendship long before we even thought of getting into a relationship with each other. It was nice to have someone who wasn't a poet or author messaging me for a "quick question." Which happened (still happens) a lot, but that's a rant for another day, or twitter.

So we became a trio, and my anxiety flared up about a week into the damn thing. maybe longer. I'm not good with time.

I worried that Hipnos would drive Es far away. Hipnos had this uncanny ability to scare anyone off. How he didn't scare me off is well, codependent.

I knew at some point Hipnos would feel something when he saw Es and I interacting. Simple "I love yous" or talk of plans, or sexual talk, all of that started to eat away at Hipnos. He got jealous real fast. He got worried real fast. There were way more quiet moments in our home because his mind was a flurry of negative and furious emotions. And he said it often, "You don't need me anymore. you can just be with Es."

That's not what my version of Poly was about. At first, I didn't want to leave either of them. Sure, Hipnos terrorized me, but I still loved him, or at least I thought I did. That's part of being in a co-dependent relationship. What you think is love, really isn't.

He eventually did the same to Es. He blew up one time with Es and I think they settled that day, but it only took a week for Hipnos to start on his bullshit again. They broke up, and Es and I kept our relationship going.

A lot of things could have happened at that point. Es could have broken up with both of us, which is what I worried about the most. I could have broken up with Es, which wasn't on my mind but I did fear Hipnos pushing that option on me.

But it didn't. Es and I stayed together. I would have liked to say that I started questioning my relationship with Hipnos then, but it wasn't until much later.

Still, I got to meet Es in person.