I gave him a month.

Like most of our arguments, i barely remember what they were about. Hypnos and I got into any little fight there was. It got to a point where days you'd be walking on glass. You don't always see it when it cuts you, but damn does it hurt when it does.

We had gotten into an argument before  poetry reading, which calmed down. Then another on the way to the reading in the car. Which again, calmed down. I remember we went to dinner afterwards. It was Chili's, his favorite. It's not the best place, but it has food and it's not terrible. It helped ease the tension between us both for a little while.

We then argued again just a few hours after dinner. I do remember this one. Hypnos had planned a hook up with someone and asked if I could take him. I said no. I'm not comfortable taking my partner to a hook up. Since we were Polyam, I was okay with the hook up happening, but it did feel a little weird to be the ride to and from the person's house.

I knew we were in a co-dependent relationship. Around this time I was reading Co-Dependent No More, which if you've not read and feel you are in a co-dependent relationship or are interested in learning about co-dependence, I definitely recommend reading it. Taking Hypnos to a planned hook up seemed like an extra mile in our co-dependence together.

When I said I wouldn't, I was again, the bad guy. "You never let me go anywhere," "You just want to keep me locked up," "I hate you."

And that's when I told him. I said I wasn't happy, and that I haven't been happy for a long time. And his face immediately changed.

"I don't want to lose you."
"I'll do anything to keep you."
"You are the best thing that has happened to me."
"I'm so sorry."
"I'll do better."

I gave him a month.

During this whole time, Es heard about all of it. I didn't really have anyone else to talk to about what was going on, and my therapist wasn't exactly affordable at the time. But Es was the most supportive person I had, and there's literally no way I could ever thank him enough for being there. #justsaying

I gave Hypnos a few items he needed to achieve during that month:

1. Obtain a job.
2. Do more around the house than just play video games all day
3. Bathe more often.

And he tried, but everything also fell through at the same time. He wasn't able to get a job within that timeframe. He said he was looking into completing surveys and work at home programs, which was an argument for us. He still did not do much when it came to our home. I was still stuck cleaning, cooking, etc. He was still playing video games.

At the end of May, I told him it was over. I paid for his bus ticket to Alabama, and paid to ship whatever things he left in Texas.

May 31, I dropped him off at the Greyhound Bus station. A high school friend of mine (let's cal him Alejandro, old joke between me and him) went with us. I asked him to, one because I wasn't totally sure I could go through with it, and two I wasn't comfortable leaving my car alone on the street.

I walked Hypnos into the station, hugged him. It was probably the toughest for both of us. Although there was some relief in my belly, there was also a wrenching sadness when I watched him cross over into the gate areas.

In the book, Co-Dependent No More, it talks about voices. it talks about how your mind will tell you that the person you're caring for can't make it on their own. That they need you. Etc. Etc. And it's true. I had every voice that book talked about that whole day.

We were both teary eyed. We both cried that day.

Alejandro and I had dinner afterward. Close friends like him are priceless. Even when you don't realize you need a distraction or company, they know. and they know you because you've known each other for fuck knows how long. He kept me busy for a good bit of the night. We shot the shit, talked for what felt like forever.

Then it was time to go home.